Blog — Kelley Rose Waller

the best and worst Christmas songs

I have weird taste in music.  My top three Pandora stations are called Beach Boys Radio, Movie Soundtracks, and The Battle Hymn of the Republic.  Weird. Taste. In. Music.  And then some of my favorite songs of this moment: Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen (although I must confess I heard it first in Shrek), Cheap Thrills by Sia, Honey I'm Good by Andy Grammer, Lost Boy by Ruth B, and Home by Phillip Phillips.  Weird. Taste. In. Music.  This preface is so clarify that you might hate/love the same songs I love/hate. And that's ok. 

Songs I Hate

  • Baby, It's Cold Outside. How. how, how, how, how is a song about date rape played in the US? We are offended by EVERYTHING and ANYTHING, and yet I'm forced to listen to this song. (Hey, what's in this drink? Ew. Go home.)

  • Santa Baby. [shivers] This song is creepy and horrific on every level. Hate. Hate. Hate.

  • I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. Kill. me. please. ZHOAS.

Songs I Love

  • Little Drummer Boy. I usually cry on this one. Little old me with nothing to offer is still loved. The Gospel, simplified: I am a poor boy, I have no gift to bring that's fit to give a King.

  • All I Want for Christmas Is You. Adorbs all the time. Mariah Carey's best song.

  • Twelve Days of Christmas. Straight No Chaser still makes me laugh every time with this, and my kids trying to sing along is sooo entertainingly arrhythmic.

  • A Hallelujah Christmas. Because this Cloverton song uses the same melody as Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, it's beautiful but the message is also Christmassy. Maybe this makes me a sell-out, but I like it.

Songs I Might Hate or Love Depending on my Current State of Mind

  • Let It Go. Honestly, I might belt this out so loud it'll make Idina Menzel cry or I might throw something at the radio in the hopes of shattering if permanently. It just depends.

  • Mary Did You Know? I really do usually love this song but every once in a while, I'm compelled to just be like YES SHE DID THE ANGEL TOLD HER and flip the dial. (Well, let's be honest, I don't flip dials, I swipe to the left.)

  • Pentatonix. Sometimes I'm like YAY and other times I'm like REALLY? AGAIN? Just depends. Their songs are great, but I feel that they get worn out with soooo much repetition.

You know, music is magic and love and twinkle lights and the smell of a Christmas tree and it makes the world go 'round and all that.  So dance like a maniac or turn the station. I probably won't notice, because I'll be laughing at the weird lyrics my kids just made up to what used to be my favorite song.


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why it stinks to be a real Star Wars fan right now

It stinks to be a real Star Wars fan right now. I'm excited about Rogue One, but so is everyone else. And quite frankly, they don't even know why.  They see the trailers and ads everywhere, so they're excited just like they were for the last Avengers movie or for the new Ghostbusters.

These are the same people who spent two days after watching The Force Awakens proposing that Ray has just gotta be Luke's daughter!  Shut up.  There is an entire Star Wars universe. They are not all related, and it isn't an awakening if the force sensitivity is passed as expected through a family. 

We're normally very responsible parents who don't spend a lot of money on excess things or let our kids watch/engage in violence of any kind.  But somehow, when it's a lightsaber, my kids are talking about stabbing each other and I'm just like, "Oh, hey, better not, Darth, LOL."

I know that Star Wars has always been somewhat mainstream, and I know that I'm way too young to consider myself an original fan.  But we had a Vader mug and t-shirts and kids bed sheets before most of you.

It stinks to be a real Star Wars fan right now because the merchandising is freaking everywhere.  Honestly, I want it all.  My husband and I bought our kids a ridiculous number of toys for Christmas, but that's only because we want them.  Plushes, Matchboxes, clothes, bath towels, coloring books, tree ornaments, cups, figurines, pajamas, that awesome Chewbacca mask--all of it. Give it to me.  I mean, give it to my kids.

 


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How to follow that

My last blog post was my most-read ever.  I'm humbled and surprised, but now I don't know how to follow that.  197 interactions on Facebook and 1,000+ page hits is a lot for me, considering my previous record was 5 shares and 152 hits.  The pressure's on now!  

 

(Also, in case you didn't notice yet, I'm an analytics nerd.)

Quite frankly, I'm intimidated to write another post, so I'm taking the easy route by writing ABOUT blogging instead of actually blogging.  Mostly, I just hope the addressee(s) of that open letter actually read it. 

I'm pretty controversial... talking about how Christians love.  That's not how we're supposed to be seen in the culture today.  We're supposed to be intolerant, sign-waving, women's-rights-suppressing, gay-people-hating, Muslim-fearing jerks.  So, I'm kind of revolutionary for suggesting that we're anything else.  

I know there is a little truth behind every stereotype, and I don't pretend that I myself am a perfect example of love.  I'm not.  And I know that there are plenty of people (outside and inside the church) who have been legitimately mistreated by Christians, even by well-respected Christians who serve in leadership positions. But I can confidently say that the great, overwhelmingly vast majority of Christians I know are full of love. 

Thus, I'll follow my greatest blog post with the greatest truth:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8


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Dear people who vandalized my church

Photo from WGAL

Photo from WGAL

Dear people who vandalized my church:

I'm really sorry that something's bugging you.  Despite your choice of graffiti topics being 666 and upside down crosses, I doubt you're Satanists.  You probably live nearby. You might even go to Manheim Township schools.

I wonder what made you want to go to so much trouble?  I mean, it's cold and it was dark and that's like 50 feet up.  That seems to be a lot of effort. 

Are you trying to make your parents angry enough to get their attention? Are you trying to impress a girl? Maybe you're  angry because you're gay and the media told you churches like ours hate you?

I don't know. Because I don't know you.  But here's another thing: You don't know me.   So targeting me and my church for your anger seems a little premature.

You don't know that I've been attending Westminster Presbyterian for thirty years (I'm 32).

You don't know that I got married here.

You don't know that my sons got baptized here.

You don't know the love this congregation is capable of, thanks exclusively to Jesus.

Maybe you should give us a shot.  I'm not promising perfect because we aren't.  You might think our music is boring. You might think our décor is stodgy.  You might think the sanctuary's too hot or too cold. (You might want to know what a sanctuary is.)  You might think it's weird that our pastor wears a black robe.

Maybe you'd walk into our church and feel like you stuck out. Like you'd never fit in.

Here's a secret: We all don't fit in.  The truth is that the only thing that holds us together is Jesus.  It's true, people don't drive too far to attend weekly church, so there are some factors about the demographics of Manheim Township that impact how we look, but we're working on it.

What brings us together is the Gospel: what brings us together is Love. Rather than a ladder against the steeple in the dark, you really should try the door on a Sunday morning next time and give us a chance.  Look for me.  My name is Kelley, and I (like the rest of my church congregation) would love to be given a chance to show you who we are because of Jesus.

 

 

WGAL coverage here


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what a time to be alive

Here's my son, watching the fire on the TV.  2016 is nearing its end, and what a time to be alive.   I turned on a fire for my kid to watch.  

There are so many good things about being alive right now.  (I'm all into thinking about time travel again now that Doctor Who Season 9 is free on Amazon Prime.)  Don't get me wrong; I'm not naive.  I know there are horrible things happening everywhere, near and far. But I'm focusing on cool things today. Things like a fire on my TV.

Cheese puffs.  According to the all-knowing Wikipedia, these have been around since the 1930s. But I'm telling you... these are gold. Delicious gold.  My faves: Jax (orange) and Pirate Booty (white).

Pre-lit Christmas tree that looks nice.  And accompanying smelly things.  We had spiders in our Christmas tree one year. Also, I got violently ill three years in a row at Christmas tree farms, each time with disastrously embarrassing results.  We now have a lovely artificial (pre-lit) tree, and more time to decorate since we aren't arguing about why the lights are tangled.  Also, I can still smell the Christmas spirit thanks to pine-things-in-a-tube.

Closely related: Christmas lights that stay lit when one is out.  Glorious magical miracle of science!

Easy-to-repair screen systems.  This may seem weird if you aren't married to my husband, but our screen porch seemed doomed to be in a state of constant disarray due to our kids and dog and other people's kids and dogs.  This drove him bonkers.  But we installed a great system from Home Depot where the screen can pull out (MOM!!!) and get tucked right back in (PHEW!!) without him flipping out. Beautiful.

Amazon Prime. Previously mentioned, but that two-day shipping? Yes. Yes. Yes. Also, scheduled deliveries of things I use and need.  

Smart phones. I'm never lost. I'm never bored.  I try not to be the too-attached crazy person who never looks up from the screen (although sometimes I am).  But there, in my purse, is a device capable of accessing the sum total of mankind's knowledge.  And that's important because sometimes you really need to know if that guy on the episode of Blue Bloods was also in an episode of Scrubs.

DVD players in minivans. I'm a mom, sorry. "Time to go, and if you come without crying, we'll watch a movie on the way home."  This is pure magic. 


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the best people to text: sister #2 edition

This girl. Hilarious. We do simultaneous "shots" of Turkey Hill Iced Tea and quote movies, TV shows, and stand-up bits we like neverendingly.  Oh, the hilarity.


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